SWDesertHomes in Tucson, Marana, Oro Valley, Vail & More!: Living with an 85 year Old

Living with an 85 year Old

Living with an 85 year Old

So, my husband and I have entered a new phase in our lives...a slight caretaker role in inviting my mother to move in with us.

GrandmaSki touching down 2004

(picture taken in 2004)

I'm sure many readers out there have been, or are in similar situations. In the 3-4 weeks since she's moved in, we've slowly been getting her unpacked and settled, arranged and satisfied. She says she loves her home -- which is Step 1 I think. Although we didn't REALLY give her a choice in whether or not she should make the move, we did want her to be happy.

Grandma and Daughter 2010

Step 2 is looking forward to her birthday party.  (The photo above is from MY 50th birthday!) This is an opportunity for her to let her sphere see and know where she's living, share some stories, and hopefully add to her pride of ownership. We're lucky enough to be providing her with some killer views of the Tucson valley through large picture windows in her home.

Sunset Views from Grandma's New Home

Down the road, a phrase we've begun using an awful lot, are discussions about finances, sharing in any bills, vacations, trips, company, etc.  We want her to have autonomy, and yet we also know she is living in our home as well, and wants to contribute.

Yesterday as Rocco and I were planning on driving up to see our newest grand-daughter in Phoenix, it belatedly occurred to me that maybe Great-Grandma would like to come, too. (She did)  Thank goodness I remembered to invite her.  (I'm learning, I'm learning)

Grandmas and Babies

(Nice plug for Long Realty, right????)

For those of you in a care-giving, home-sharing situation yourselves, what's the best advice you can offer to help make this a lovely period in life for my mother?  What have you learned that helps appreciate an elderly person's need for independence and yet inclusion,  privacy, and yet...proximity.  Many thanks for your shared comments.


If I can assist you in your home buying or selling in Marana, Tucson, Oro Valley, or Vail, please don't hesitate to call me!  Email at swdeserthomes@aol.com

Cara Marcelle Mancuso, Long Realty,


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Comment balloon 3 commentsCara Marcelle Mancuso • March 02 2017 03:30PM


When I was younger, I had a great aunt who I was very fond of.  She suffered a stroke, and needed someone to care for her.  So, I spent the summer in her home until she became able to live independently once again.  I will never forget that wonderful summer, of eating strawberries, baking bread and crocheting dollies. 

Posted by Myrl Jeffcoat, Greater Sacramento Real Estate Agent (GreatWest Realty) about 2 years ago

My sister lived with me for 6 years before she passed. She was 11 years older so we grew up in different generations. She had her own space where she could feel comfortable, shared meals with us and came and went as she wanted. Her financial contribution was buying groceries for the 3 of us. She loved going to the grocery store. Over time as her health declined I spent more and more time taking care of her, making sure she was comfortable, attending doctor appointments etc. I will cherish those days for the rest of my life. It is a different kind of closeness that comes about when one shares those last few years together. Memories shared, spur of the moment laughter, dancing to Christmas music, sharing girl secrets. Enjoy the time together Cara. It goes quicker than you think.

Posted by Martha Brown, Your Homes Around Annapolis Agent (Long & Foster Real Estate, Inc., Annapolis MD 21403) about 2 years ago

Martha Brown  -- I really appreciate your sharing of your story with your sister.  What a big heart you have.  I know I will treasure this time with my mom.

Posted by Cara Marcelle Mancuso, Call a Marana neighbor, I'm THERE! LONG REALTY (Long Realty - Dove Mountain, Marana AZ) about 2 years ago